


Mac and Dennis Get Married

by Megalomaniacal



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, Marriage, Two codependent losers, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 20:56:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12328725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megalomaniacal/pseuds/Megalomaniacal
Summary: "Do you, Dennis Reynolds, take Mac McDonald to be your lawfully wedded husband?""I, Dennis Reynolds, take this jackass to be my husband. Yeah."





	Mac and Dennis Get Married

**Author's Note:**

> I got home from therapy an hour or two ago and just needed to write some bullshit so here is some poorly written bullshit plot fic abt these losers getting married

It was a long time coming, but finally, the two idiots had engagement rings on their fingers and woke up in the same bed on the morning they'd be changing them to wedding bands. They didn't look like a couple that was about to get married. They were tangled up in the sheets, Mac drooling on the pillow and snoring softly, Dennis's leg thrown over his waist, hair a frizzy mess. 

Despite this, both of their suits were hanging up in the closet, both too cheap to go all out and get tuxedos, especially when Mac was wearing a sleeveless button-up shirt beneath his suit jacket. He'd insisted on sleeveless. Mac had also insisted on getting a manakin so he could put the wedding dress from the thrift shop on it and have it at the wedding. Dennis had tried protesting, but it wasn't worth it. 

They took turns showering, for once not complaining and knocking angrily on the bathroom door while the other was inside. They drove together to get to Paddy's but split into seperate rooms once there- Dee taking Dennis to the office, Charlie taking Mac to the bathroom. They did everything at the bar, everything from funerals to 'charity' fundraisers to, well, more funerals, so why wouldn't they use it for weddings?

"Don't grease your hair, man, come on! Put down that hair gel, Mac, put it down!" Charlie exclaimed once the bathroom door was shut and Mac was reaching for the 'supplies' all over the counter. "Dennis liked it fluffy and natural and so do I! It looks better that- hey!"

Mac had opened the bottle of hair gel when Charlie smacked it out of his hands, watching the top smash off and the gel splatter all over the floor. Charlie made a noise akin to an animal dying and kicked the bottle. 

"God damnit Mac! I just cleaned this bathroom! I just cleaned it!" Charlie threw his hands up. He was more stressed than normal and it showed in his reactions. "Go get dressed! And stay away from the damn hair gel!"

As Charlie struggled with Mac, Dee was having a hard time getting Dennis to stop crying long enough to get his makeup on. 

"Dee. I can't look ugly at my wedding." 

"Well you're gonna if you don't stop fucking crying." She huffed, rolling her eyes as she fixed some of his carefully styled curls. His hair looked good as ever, even more perfect than usual, and she wished he'd just shut up already. It was bad enough that he was getting married before her. "You're marrying Mac, you idiot. You could come wearing dog shit instead of a suit and he'd think you looked good."

She almost wanted to punch him when he looked up at her, bright blue eyes brimming with tears. Such a drama queen. "You really think so?"

"Yes, idiot." She placed a hand on her hip. "Now dry your eyes so we can do your goddamn makeup."

"You'll be my maid of honor?" He sniffled. 

"Jesus Chr- yes, Dennis, of course. Whatever."

"And you told Frank he can't walk me down the aisle like a woman?"

"You have a maid of honor like a bride would but you won't let- you know what? Nevermind. I told him."

He nodded, sitting up taller in the spray painted office chair. "Okay."

Charlie and Dee met in the main bar area while Dennis and Mac were in their respective rooms, exchanging looks explaining without a single word that they were both dealing with the same type of bullshit. 

"Dennis is crying over looking ugly." Dee rolled her eyes as she sat on one of the creaky barstools that was unusually clean and free of sharp, hazardous metals sticking up from the cushion. She grabbed a beer, cracking off the top and tossing it behind the counter. Relief flooded over her expression as she took a sip. "And grumbling about how he doesn't want Frank walking him down the aisle. We don't even have an aisle, Charlie. We are a bar."

"Mac is whining because I won't let him gel his hair and his dad can't come because he's in jail." Charlie gave her a sideways look, eyebrows raised. "He tore the sleeves off of his only good shirt."

Dee looked him up and down, taking note that Charlie was wearing one of his 'new' shirts- which really came from a dumpster that he and Frank had recently explored- over his stupid green jacket that, for once, actually looked clean. 

She took another sip of beer. 

"Charlie, I appreciate that all these folding chairs are set up, but where even are the guests? Who did you invite?" 

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking out at the chairs he'd somehow forgotten he'd set up that morning. "My mom, Mrs. Mac, the waitress, Artemis, uh..." He looked over to her with a sheepish grin. "Liam, Ryan, Margaret, and the lawyer?"

"Did you just invite everyone we talk to because Mac and Dennis don't have actual friends?" Dee raised an eyebrow, almost done with her beer. 

"Maybe." Charlie paused. "I also invited Cricket, and I think the McPoyles are bringing some of their family." 

"Really, Charlie? Really?" Dee finished off her beer just as the door opened and the three walked in, as if they'd been summoned, wearing clean, new bathrobes atop actual clothing. 

"Where is the milk?" Liam was the first to speak as they walked in, looking around the room with his eye. Ryan and Margaret hovered behind him. 

"We don't have milk- goddamnit Charlie!" Dee exclaimed as Charlie walked behind the bar to get them all glasses. "Just sit down somewhere."

The McPoyles murmured to each other as they found seats, Mrs. Kelly and Mrs. Mac coming in next. Mrs. Mac was, of course, chain smoking cigarettes. Mrs. Kelly was fretting over their outfits, her own floral dress and Mrs. Mac's shapeless brown dress that she'd quite obviously been forced to wear. Mrs. Kelly spent a few minutes fussing over Charlie before going to find a seat beside her old lady best friend. 

Artemis and Frank came in next, the former decked out in a colorful assortment of clothing and jewelry, boasting about the many weddings she had been to and her various sexual exploits in the venue bathrooms. Cricket walked in during her speech, offering to help her experience more sexual bathroom adventures, and Charlie had to block off the empty bathroom and yell at them all to get in their seats.

It was no surprise that neither the lawyer nor the waitress had shown up. It was more of a surprise when they actually did, at separate times, the waitress with arms crossed and a sour look on her face, the lawyer looking vaguely amused at the prospect of the depraved assholes being stuck together for life.

Once the small and rather pathetic group of guests were all there, Charlie and Dee returned to see Dennis and Mac. Charlie's sign of relief could be heard all throughout Philadelphia when he saw Mac hadn't greased his hair back. He looked natural, in a neat suit, grinning nervously. Dee had to convince Dennis that, yes, his suit fit just fine. Charlie blindfolded Mac, Dee blindfolded Dennis, and then they were all walking out into the bar.

They traveled up opposite sides of the small mass of chairs, Dee and Charlie leading Mac and Dennis up to the podium where the judge reluctantly stood, as if he somehow already knew what kind of people he was sharing the room with. 

When Mac and Dennis finally stood face to face at the makeshift alter, Dee and Charlie tore away their blindfolds. Dennis's look of annoyance quickly faded when he saw the wide, embarassed grin on Mac's face, cheeks pink and green eyes like a puppy dog's looking back up at him. Mac almost cried when he saw Dennis, beautiful as ever, bright blue eyes lined with dark, long lashes. 

They both ignored the judge, interrupting him with small comments to each other, kissing before they were told to. 

The judge sighed deeply. "Do you, Dennis Reynolds, take Mac McDonald to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I, Dennis Reynolds, take this jackass to be my husband. Yeah." He grinned, rolling his eyes at the stern look the judge gave him. "Okay, I do." 

"And do you, Mac McDonald, take Dennis Reynolds to be-"

"I do."

"Sir, please. Let me finish talking." The judge took a deep breath, looking dissaprovingly at the both of them. "As I was saying. Do you, Mac McDonald, take Dennis Reynolds to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Mac nodded, grinning brightly up at his boyfriend/fiancé/husband. 

"Congrats. You're married. You may kiss the- uh- kiss the husband." 

Mac practically knocked Dennis over when he lunged forward, wrapping his arms snugly around Dennis's waist as they pressed their lips together. Dennis laughed into the kiss and hugged him back, not minding how clingy his roommate had become. Yeah. They were two codependent losers. 

When they finally stopped kissing, Dennis pulled away and stuck his tongue out at Dee. "You owe me five bucks."

"What?!" 

"We made a bet when we were six on who would get married first. Hand over the cash."

Mac laughed, hanging onto his smiling husband as Dee reluctantly handed him a five dollar bill. 

"I love you, you know. Have since forever." Mac said to Dennis later, once it was just the original gang in the bar. 

Dennis didn't roll his eyes, didn't laugh, just smiled brightly at the man before him. "Yeah. I love you too. You just took a while to notice."


End file.
